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eGarda.
Welcome to the eGarda program
It is possible now to pre-book your Enhanced Interview Techniques Studio over the internet.
EITS 1
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Our system has become so efficient that it is now possible to book a EITS even before there has been any formal charges laid
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Know your Quango: Government Organization for Cognitive Research (GOCR)
Know your Quango:
Government Organization for Cognitive Research (GOCR)
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The Government Organization for Cognitive Research (GOCR) was formed with the intention of testing various predictions of ontological technicians and theoretical cognitive executives, including the existence of the hypothesized thought space "outside"
This radical new area is thought under modern conceptual frameworks to be necessary for the box's existance. "The ramifications are astounding" said Pf Lambert multi box pioneer.
This theoretical space interests practitioners as it could if found, allow two or more subjects to think at once.
This would relieve the congestion of the current system where only those elite few who have access to the box can think leaving the remainder of society as soulless automatons mindlessly following instructions, or so the theory holds.
Commentators hope that the GOCR will help answer many of the most fundamental questions in thinking, questions concerning the basic laws governing the box, its true size, and the interactions and forces among the elementary objects within the box (paper clips, pens etc).
Further research funds have been announced for studies into the deep structure of the box, with special regard to the intersections of multiple boxes, where current theories and conceptual frame-works are unclear or break down altogether.
Technicians also hope to answer questions on box-usage such as whether its dark with the lid on and how best to ensure that cats and tiny bit of radioactive substances are not inadvertantly stored in the same box
Costs have soared in this experimental cutting edge field of research. Last year the reported spend on experimental cardboard and tape alone was €15.2 million
F. Nitt, Chairman
This was justified by F Nitt Chairman of the GOCR's Review panel with the prospect of a much more productive workforce.
Citing the groups main aim of multi use boxes, Mr Nitt said; "If we can in some way expand the box's current limitations, it is conceivable we could be in a position where every body could think in the box at the same time thereby massivelly increasing productivity for a comparatively small initial outlay"
Professor Lambert
Prof Lambert, famed for pioneering the box within a box method of cognition which allows for more complex thinking.
Although as he points out "the multi box approach has many inherent flaws" among them are the practical issues normally associated with boxes, the difficulty of transport and storage of them, and they can't be used outside in rain.
Size too is an issue as a box can not be too large as to be unwieldy and as theoretical warehouse workers have shown that a box may not be any smaller than one matchbox (or 1μβ = 4cm3)
Chairman Nitt acknowledges the difficulties that come with such cutting edge research, finding and charting such esoteric conceptual areas.
A Thinking Session, from left to right a box wrangler, umpire and a cognitive engineer
"Its so hard I mean there's the box which is easy to conceptually precieve but then there is this theoretical "outside" too"
We hope however to be at the forefront of this century's theoretical cognition breakthroughs. he added.
An important step towards that goal was made yesterday with the announcement of an attempt to think inside a different box has been scheduled.
An Artists Impression of the proposed experiment.
The experiment is slated to coincide with the Bi-Annual Government Jamboree (BAGJ)
Though as pointed out by Chairman Nitt this attempt will not be cheap a substantial increase in budget will be required, some predictions are as high as 90%
"The catering bill itself will be huge. This is a gathering of both houses their staff and all their spouses, significant others and children, if there is to be a show we'll certainly need cake, lightning and more bunting going forward" said jamboriee organiser Ms Kate Pat Anderson
Input from the related group Government Commission on Blue Sky Thinking (GCBKT) was reportedly to wear sun glasses if its bright out.
"Ollie", chairman of GCBKT
Critics who question the necessity of the box in thinking have been silent recently.
Committee members claim this is due to the unprecidneted successes in their Synchronised Box Thinking Program (SBTP).
The synchronised box thinking team
Critic X. Xxxxxxx was unavailable for comment though this may be as a mark of respect for the family of friend and fellow critic X. Xxxxxx in wake of his tragic suicide where he shot himself twice in the lower torso and again finally fatally while dialing the emergency services.
The government has sent its condolance a wreath reading "thinking of you" was seen hanging outside the entrance to the widow's home and again at the gates of the deceased's children's school
For more information please click here.
Itinerary
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Itinerary for the Dail Forum on Sasquatch R&R Working Group
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May:
Fact finding in New York City, New York.
There will be a full meal and free bar reception on the first, second and third night of the stay with drinks and canapé receptions thereafter.
On the fifteenth there will be a half hour talk by noted crypto-zoologist Dr. Ivan T. Sandersan, attendance will not be mandatory
June:
Fact Finding Excursion in Las Vegas.
There will be a full meal and free bar reception on the first, second and third night of the stay with drinks and canapé receptions thereafter.
Please note that due to budgetary constraints all members of the group will have a table limit of just €10,000 in the casinos. Though there will be exemptions made for special cases.
July
Fact Finding Trip to Hawaii
There will be a full meal and free bar reception on alternative nights with waiters serving drinks on the beach every other night.
On the seventeenth there will be a catered symposium on what the R's stand for in the working group title
August and September Itinerary: TBA
For full information please click here
Destiny's Commandos remain committed to the Transparency in Government Program
Bigfoot Reports
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Bigfoot Reports
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However we feel it is in the national interest to convene a working group to look into these sightings in order to find out how to best deal with these erroneous and possibly malicious reports going forward.
To better understand this phenomena the working group, provisionally titled the Dail Forum on Sasquatch R&R Working Group (what exactly the Rs stand for has yet to be finalised), will be leaving for a six month fact finding tour of the North American Continent.
The itinerary will follow shortly
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